The How-To Guide to Emotionally Prepare for Birth
The How-To Guide to Emotionally Prepare for Birth
First time mom/parent? It’s okay to be scared! Change can be hard. Bringing home your little one can be hard too. That’s why it’s important to prepare. Here is some information to help you make this transition as smooth as possible!
What is Emotional Readiness? How can I prepare?
When we are preparing for a change in our lives, like having a baby, becoming emotionally ready is oftentimes the thing that we overlook and push aside. The truth is that when we are able to prepare ourselves and learn to cope with our emotions, pregnancy and birth can be handled like a champ!
Emotional readiness is defined as “the state of psychological willingness to learn and take on a new challenge.” In simpler words, it’s how we prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally. And let’s be honest, we’re going to need all the preparations we can get when it comes to being pregnant and having a baby! If you’re able to choose the strategies and tools that work best for you, you’ll become aware of possible outcomes and even have some tactics up your sleeve to help you recognize and address those feelings when something comes up.
Many people have walked in your shoes and may have advice that they can offer you at this time. A doula is someone who knows your goals well, walks alongside you during your pregnancy, and can help be an advocate for you during your pregnancy and birth. Doulas know birth, newborns and all that goes with that journey. They are professionals that are like having a bestie who is trained in all things pregnancy, birth and baby.
But Back to the Emotions… What’s all of that about?
Knowing things ahead of time can help you to normalize the process and experience of pregnancy and childbirth. When you are able to confidently tackle the emotional rollercoaster that comes with bringing a little life into the world, your first time mom/parent goals can be accomplished in your everyday life. These goals may include: finding help for the early postpartum days, finding a parenting method, researching various parenting topics/concerns, being aware of infant/child safety guidelines, preparing your home for a baby, having a support system, learning to appreciate the journey, and beginning to trust yourself and your needs.
Let’s take a deeper look at some steps that can help you become emotionally ready for your journey to parenthood.
What does SUPPORT look like for me?
Raising a baby can take a village! Everyone’s story and upbringing is different, but there’s a chance that you’re used to doing everything on your own. When it comes to parenting, it’s a lot easier when you let other people in life lend you a helping hand. It can be hard to receive helpful gifts from others and it might take some getting used to, but it can be a really beautiful thing if you open yourself to it. Remind yourself that reaching out to someone for help is a sign of strength, not weakness!
Having people to rely on in every season of your life, especially transitions that bring big change, can make a world of difference in how you are able to adapt to your new role as a parent. Who do you want on your support team? Having a birth/postpartum team and/or doula is a wonderful option that may fit your needs.
Firstly, you will need emotional support! Being pregnant is not always easy and can be quite challenging. There are a lot of emotions that come along with being pregnant! If you’re currently pregnant, you know what I’m talking about. Ah, the emotions! What a rollercoaster they can be! So, who is that person that you can turn to for comfort and assurance? Is this your sister, best friend, or significant other? Doulas are a great addition to this support team. They are there to offer you non-judgmental and emotional support.
Secondly, you need esteem support! Do you have a friend/spouse/partner who acts like they’re your own personal cheerleader? Who is going to be there to hold your hand when this baby’s time has come? Well, this is your esteem support. This relationship will look like someone providing you with words of affirmation and stating that they believe in you and in your ability. Essentially, this person makes you feel stronger, valued, and heard. If you are open to seeking out help from a therapist or a psychiatrist, they may be able to shed light and solutions to your issues and concerns, as well as help you with implementing good coping skills. If you feel comfortable and safe with your family members, they may be a good group to rely on. Doulas are active listeners, which can bring you a great deal of validation and confidence. Having a doula can provide this encouragement, too. Teaching yourself to write out affirmations daily is also a great habit to practice.
Thirdly, you need informational support! If you’re a first time mom/parent, you might be feeling like you don’t have all of the answers and maybe you’re not sure where to start. There are a lot of wonderful resources out there that can help you feel better prepared for when your baby comes and for when your baby is here. Some examples of informational support include books, blogs, videos, podcasts, stories from knowledgeable persons (OB provider, doula, experienced parents), and so much more.
Fourthly, you need tangible support! Tangible support is your hands on in-person support people. You may find this in family, friends, or maybe even in hired help. Everyone’s situation is different and your support crew may look different from someone else’s. And that’s okay! Are you more comfortable turning towards family for help? Or would you rather lean towards professionals? Either way, the choice is yours. But finding someone to help carry some of the weight during this upcoming change will be a huge benefit. We weren’t meant to go through life alone! Some examples of tangible support are trusted friends and family members that can help provide a non-judgemental and positive environment, a doula that can provide hands-on care in your home (during the day and at night), or someone that cleans your house or walks your dog regularly.
A great way to find support is to get plugged in with parent groups. It can be helpful to walk alongside people in similar stages of life, as well as become more educated about pregnancy, birth, and parenting. Here’s a link to some of the groups that High Country Doulas encourages you to pursue and participate in: https://www.highcountrydoulas.com/new-parents-group-virtual
How can I get a good grip on my ANXIETY while being pregnant?
A great way to handle anxiety is to get ahead of it. Yes, we’re aware, this is easier said than done! But you have to start somewhere. Here are a few things that you can do to help put your mind at ease.
Let’s start with making a plan. Having a baby is a big deal! It’s so exciting, but can also make you feel overwhelmed. When you make your plan, here are some steps and strategies you can follow during your pregnancy:
Develop a schedule with your partner that will include weekly household chores that need to be done and even things like grocery shopping.
Find ways and people to care for you and your family while you are recovering and adjusting to life with a newborn.
If you are planning on taking maternity leave from work, ask what support and expectations your employers have set in place surrounding your time of leave.
Next, it is so important to make sure that you are taking good care of yourself. When we are healthy and caring for our bodies, so many other things can easily fall into place. When you are pregnant, your body is working much harder than it’s used to, meaning that your body is going to require more care. Here’s a quick list of things to do each day to make sure that you are giving your body the best care possible:
Make sure that you are getting adequate sleep. Eight hours of sleep a night is ideal. There’s also no shame in having a nap break during the day if you are able to. Napping is your friend!
Try to get outside every day. Fresh air is great for the soul and will do wonders for your mind and your body. Whether you are just sitting on the back porch for a few minutes or taking a quick lap around the block, any amount of outside time is better than none.
Stay hydrated and make sure to eat a balanced diet. Keep a water bottle on you and keep drinking water throughout the day. Eating nutritious meals will help you to feel your best self, too. Try getting an adequate amount of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, healthy fats, and lean proteins on your plate. Some examples of these types of foods are: brown rice, oatmeal, whole-wheat bread, chicken, eggs, beans, nuts, seed, milk, yogurt, cheese, etc.
Your mind can be a chaotic place, so it’s important to give yourself time to think and process those thoughts. Journaling and meditation are great ways to do so!
Try and find ways to minimize relational stress. This may need to be incorporated with your partner or even with your friends or family. Learn to communicate efficiently and effectively. This way you can be confident in those in your life, also known as your support network!
Here’s a resource to help you understand, acknowledge, and deal with the Baby Blues: https://youtu.be/hMPgYoxkwGY
Here’s a podcast to help you along with your nutrition plan: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-optimize-nutrition-during-the-early-weeks/id1329414094?i=1000439915806
Am I a RISK-TAKER? Do I need to be? What’s the point?
Taking risks is hard and the truth is that most of us don’t like to be too far from our comfort zone. It’s not always easy to jump head first into things that are new to us. But sometimes we don’t have a choice but to dive right in (within reason, of course)!
There is actually a healthy way to be a risk-taker while being pregnant. Taking risks is a good thing when you pay attention to the safety elements. If you can learn how to take healthy risks, you’ll find that you can become more informed about decisions that you will have to make for you and your baby. With this understanding comes the flexibility for you to choose the path that you want to take, even if it’s not the one you would have originally chosen for yourself.
Speaking of choosing paths, sitting down with your doula or midwife to create your ideal birth preference plan is a great idea. Sometimes those plans look exactly like how we wanted them to, and sometimes they don’t. Learning to be a risk-taker means that you are ready for when something might not go how you wanted it to. Talking about your options can help you feel more prepared.
Here’s a resource that can give you some insight as to how to mentally prepare for when things don’t go as planned in your birth: https://youtu.be/EJnJ6uiDICM?si=WI-Q94_2GRqf1gHV
What does my FRAME OF MIND look like?
We’ve touched on this a little bit, but what your mind is going through is often taken out on your body. If you’re stressed, there’s a pretty good chance that your body is in a stressed state, too. And, since you’re pregnant, we don’t want you to feel stressed! That’s why learning the beauty and method of mindfulness has had such great impacts on expectant mothers.
Give it a try! The benefits are great. Studies have proven that pregnant women who have participated in mindfulness have learned to confidently accept their emotions and thoughts, learn to adapt to the physical changes that their body is enduring, and much more. Mindfulness can look something along the lines of yoga or meditation practice. If you’re confused at what mindfulness entails, there is a resource listed below that can help you learn the tips and tricks behind it.
Expecting Mindfully Book: https://www.amazon.com/Expecting-Mindfully-Well-Being-Depression-Postpartum/dp/1462532470
How can I get MOTIVATED?
Motivation can be seen in so many different ways while you are pregnant. You can be motivated to decorate the nursery and purchase all of the diaper bag supplies. You can be motivated to exercise each day to help ensure a healthy pregnancy. You can be motivated to read every book on babies and birth that you can get your hands on. The list goes on. What does motivation mean to you?
If you’re struggling to feel motivated during your pregnancy, try and remind yourself of your “why.” Why do you need to get motivated? You are after a positive and healthy experience! You want to feel ready. Building strong daily habits and learning to communicate with your care team will help keep you motivated.
What even is PSYCHOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT and how do I achieve it?
Our last step in emotionally preparing is to develop skills to help you cope during pregnancy. Talking with your doula, therapist, or other trained professional is a great place to start. They are there to not only hear your concerns, but to ease them.
All good things take practice. And being in control of your emotions is no different. Don’t be afraid to ask hard questions. Finding answers and discussing plans will help to soothe your worries, in order to give you a happy and healthy pregnancy.
Sources
https://www.theperformanceroom.co.uk/what-is-emotional-readiness/
https://www.brighthorizons.com/resources/article/tips-for-emotionally-preparing-for-a-baby
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10800386/
https://www.journeyofparenthood.com/10-goals-for-first-time-mom/