An Unexpected Loss; Ways to Remember and Heal

Nothing can prepare you for miscarriage or infant loss. Our doulas support families during pregnancy and birth, and yes, death of a baby. We are with you and are here to support you through this difficult and emotional time. Loss can take many forms. There is no right or wrong way to navigate how you feel or what to do next. Your loss or the loss of someone near to you is an impactful and life changing event.

Many families choose to have an act of memorialization for their child.

There are several ways you can do this:

• Baby Album

  Creating a baby album for a son or daughter including a locket of hair, identification bracelets, pictures, birth cards including writings of thoughts in the album can help grieving family members.

• Charitable Donations

  Offer a donation on behalf of the child. Many organizations will send thank you cards. Be sure to include this in their baby albums.

• Framing Pictures

  Purchase special frames for the baby’s photographs and hang pictures around the home if that is a comfortable idea.

• Engraved Locket

  There are many beautiful lockets that can be purchased with a photo of a child.

• Birthstone Rings & Necklaces

  Wearing your child’s birthstone on a piece of jewelry can be a wonderful and eloquent way to remember them.

• Memory Box

  Keeping a memory box with personal items in it. Items may include things like a blanket from the hospital, booties, baby album, stuffed animals, medical records from their birth, sympathy cards from friends and family, crib cards, water used for baptism, footprints, handprints, and any other memorial items. The wonderful thing about a memory box is that it is extremely personal.

October is recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month every year. This month allows an opportunity for parents and families to come together to share grief, remember their babies, and raise awareness. There are often events such as Walk for Remembrance and Hope (or Walk to Remember), balloon releases, and many other events remembering these babies. The International Wave of Light invites participants from around the world to light a candle in honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss, on October 15th every year at 7 p.m., in their respective time zones, and to leave the candle burning for at least an hour in honor and remembrance of the children gone too soon.

Supporting not only the mother but the other family members are extremely important. Grandparents, siblings, fathers, and many others are all being impacted by this loss and need support. Siblings will react differently depending on their age, but they will all understand the sadness regardless of whether or not they can grasp the concept of the death of their sibling. It is important to allow the entire family to feel all of their emotions, and to reach out to resources if you need help.

Here are a few resources that are available for grieving families:

Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss-a national organization offering around the clock professional support for anyone going through the death of a baby

Star Legacy Foundation-a non-profit caring for families going through the death of a baby, as well as works to reduce the number of lost pregnancies and neonatal deaths, supports research of infant death and preventative measures. They offer support to families going through loss with companion services and group support

Loss & Grief Support Groups (Postpartum Support International) - PSI is a non-profit organization that provides support for families and providers/professionals with Perinatal Mental Health. They are a wonderful resource and have specific groups for different persons.

March of Dimes-offers resources for families as well as the March for Babies walk

Infant Loss Organizations-a website providing over a dozen infant loss organizations that can help connect with other families and find support

First Candle-24/7 crisis line 800-221-7437 - for parents who are experiencing loss due to SIDS and sleep related death

Still Birthday-resources for families and women who experience loss

Using these resources can help during your grieving. They help to be a reminder that you are not alone or forgotten during this immense loss you, your family, and your friends are dealing with as you try to find the best and healthiest ways to remember your child and continue on with your life. There is no timeline to follow when grieving, only doing what is best for you in this time.